A chronic people pleaser whose mantra was "I’ll be happy when everybody's happy"....... At first...maybe this statement describes about miss A ... but now i realize that i have that part in myself as well...a big part!
People pleaser...people pleaser...people pleaser! why do i need to become really care of it? it's hard to find what the answer is...
Today...i feel the need to please other people again... there was a meeting this morning amongst my directors, me and my exec. We discussed about a report which need to be submitted this week. My exec was the one who made the report and i knew that she was quite struggling in making it. But the discussion went a bit tough...my directors and I asked several critical questions about her report...
Anyways...now I am feeling uneasy... and this is because of that chronic people pleaser... I am afraid to become a critical person... I am afraid that what if my words hurted her in a way... Or...what if she felt gloomy... all negative thoughts are revolved around in my head...
I know that i can't be like this...NO NO NO...there's no way become perfect! "become critical is not bad...it's a good thing as long as you do it in proper way...it's like a fundamental of building something"
I know what I should do...but sometimes I just can't help it... i wanna stop this thought of mine..............
Monday, March 24
bundle of imperfections
My second time writing in this blog… Anyways, my mind was flashing back to Friday.. It was late a t night and suddenly I just couldn’t sleep… 2 o’clock in the morning and didn’t know what to do…so I turned on my laptop and browsing around…checking facebook, skype (hope that Ben or someone on my list still up), YM. Then suddenly, something came up on my screen … “what are you doing late at night there?”… The message was come from an old friend of mine. Hmm…actually she’s my senior in this working industry as well. Ok, lets call her miss A.
Miss A is studying in US now. She continues her study there…not really sure the major that she takes…but definitely master program J Her parents are really rich…thus she could afford going and studying in several countries in different continents.
I like miss A – a single, smart young woman (I think she’s around early 30ish). She’s very easy going – can mingle to everybody. Furthermore…, she doesn’t make respondents feel distant when she needs to conduct FGD session (usually when the group is moderated by Chinese, the local / Indo people will feel distant…thus local moderator is preferred)
We never talked a lot before…well maybe only several lines on YM – it’s me asking her about MR world and stuffs like that… But on that day, our conversation became deeper… She said that she was unhappy with her condition now…She said that her decision went abroad now was in rush, out of arrogance, stupidity and the need to please people (she was the chronic people pleaser whose mantra was "I’ll be happy when everybody's happy). At first I thought that it was about choosing not the right major. But it wasn’t. Everything was alright there…but it was just her felt “empty” inside. And I just knew that she felt this quite often even when she was in Jakarta. But when she was in Jakarta, she was trying to push it aside and distract herself with work and his boyfriend. She knew that not all things could be answered and it wasn’t fair for God to answer all the whys. “God doesn't owe us anything. Who do we think we are to expect God answering us, explaining everything to us? He doesn't owe us any explanation"
Now she’s questioning about the purpose of being in this world. What are our goals and purposes? A big question mark in my head…purpose of life? Goal of our existence? What the hell is that? I don’t know the answer as well… But deep down inside I believe that we are created for others…become useful for others…BUT…it didn’t satisfy me… I tried to googling on some philosophy websites… it was said that when you’re questioning about the purpose of your life, you’re questioning about God as well…is it right? If it is, then why miss A still question about that? She’s a quite religious person…goes to church everyday and has had several counseling session with pastor. She believes in God but doesn’t really sure about her purpose of existence…
Ahhh confusing…confusing… this thing flew my thoughts to my paper when I was in college…it’s about self forgiveness…about importance to reconcile with yourself? But then again…a corny question… how do you define self? How do you find the courage to always be true to ourselves- even if you’re not sure who you are? …well…talking about self is like never ending stories…but maybe there’s “NO” exact definition about self… it’s just reconciliation to the bundle of imperfections we call self!
Yup reconciliation…forgive yourself that you’re not perfect…love your self…accept all the imperfections of yours… On that miss A’s question, maybe love herself would be the right answer… Maybe she just needs to deal with it….learn to accept all imperfections and accept as it is… I guess…when someone loves his/her self then they starts to appreciate what they have, thank God about all they have… don’t want to waste what they have now…
Sounds simple…………..but believe me “love yourself” is not easy….
Miss A is studying in US now. She continues her study there…not really sure the major that she takes…but definitely master program J Her parents are really rich…thus she could afford going and studying in several countries in different continents.
I like miss A – a single, smart young woman (I think she’s around early 30ish). She’s very easy going – can mingle to everybody. Furthermore…, she doesn’t make respondents feel distant when she needs to conduct FGD session (usually when the group is moderated by Chinese, the local / Indo people will feel distant…thus local moderator is preferred)
We never talked a lot before…well maybe only several lines on YM – it’s me asking her about MR world and stuffs like that… But on that day, our conversation became deeper… She said that she was unhappy with her condition now…She said that her decision went abroad now was in rush, out of arrogance, stupidity and the need to please people (she was the chronic people pleaser whose mantra was "I’ll be happy when everybody's happy). At first I thought that it was about choosing not the right major. But it wasn’t. Everything was alright there…but it was just her felt “empty” inside. And I just knew that she felt this quite often even when she was in Jakarta. But when she was in Jakarta, she was trying to push it aside and distract herself with work and his boyfriend. She knew that not all things could be answered and it wasn’t fair for God to answer all the whys. “God doesn't owe us anything. Who do we think we are to expect God answering us, explaining everything to us? He doesn't owe us any explanation"
Now she’s questioning about the purpose of being in this world. What are our goals and purposes? A big question mark in my head…purpose of life? Goal of our existence? What the hell is that? I don’t know the answer as well… But deep down inside I believe that we are created for others…become useful for others…BUT…it didn’t satisfy me… I tried to googling on some philosophy websites… it was said that when you’re questioning about the purpose of your life, you’re questioning about God as well…is it right? If it is, then why miss A still question about that? She’s a quite religious person…goes to church everyday and has had several counseling session with pastor. She believes in God but doesn’t really sure about her purpose of existence…
Ahhh confusing…confusing… this thing flew my thoughts to my paper when I was in college…it’s about self forgiveness…about importance to reconcile with yourself? But then again…a corny question… how do you define self? How do you find the courage to always be true to ourselves- even if you’re not sure who you are? …well…talking about self is like never ending stories…but maybe there’s “NO” exact definition about self… it’s just reconciliation to the bundle of imperfections we call self!
Yup reconciliation…forgive yourself that you’re not perfect…love your self…accept all the imperfections of yours… On that miss A’s question, maybe love herself would be the right answer… Maybe she just needs to deal with it….learn to accept all imperfections and accept as it is… I guess…when someone loves his/her self then they starts to appreciate what they have, thank God about all they have… don’t want to waste what they have now…
Sounds simple…………..but believe me “love yourself” is not easy….
Thursday, March 6
a tribute for ms. cheap drunk
hey hey finally i have my OWN blog :)
okay...now what should I write here?? hmmm maybe introduce my self a bit? or talking about my background or...or.... what ?? phew...such a big decision to be made for a new kid on the block:D anyways, am not really familiar with this "writing blog" thingy... despite the fact that I'm actually a quite chatty person but...but... I guess it only when it comes to others' topic...definitely not talking about "me" topic.
hmmm ok I've made my decision... I will say thank you to my lovely partner in crime...ms. cheap drunk. She was the one who created this blog for me... so, my first writing in this blog is a tribute for her...
I knew ms. cheap drunk since I was still at college...we were a dorm's mate... too many things I have shared with her... start from tiny unparticular things to biggest issue in today's world (mmm... maybe it's getting too much now :P...) Well...actually both of us are really babbly.... sometimes, we can just talk for hours about nothing...yeah nothing as a real nothing...
One interesting thing here is both of us are thoughtful person... So, there were times when both of us talked about one single issue but related it with lots of scenario possibilities... We love to talk about details and details... We just couldn't strip off the "what if" question in our head. Always having the "what if" question is very tiring... I know that sometimes we wish to ignore this thing... But the fact is we just couldn't help it...
Though we share a quite similar peculiar character but I really love the way it works...each with its own beauty :)
okay...now what should I write here?? hmmm maybe introduce my self a bit? or talking about my background or...or.... what ?? phew...such a big decision to be made for a new kid on the block:D anyways, am not really familiar with this "writing blog" thingy... despite the fact that I'm actually a quite chatty person but...but... I guess it only when it comes to others' topic...definitely not talking about "me" topic.
hmmm ok I've made my decision... I will say thank you to my lovely partner in crime...ms. cheap drunk. She was the one who created this blog for me... so, my first writing in this blog is a tribute for her...
I knew ms. cheap drunk since I was still at college...we were a dorm's mate... too many things I have shared with her... start from tiny unparticular things to biggest issue in today's world (mmm... maybe it's getting too much now :P...) Well...actually both of us are really babbly.... sometimes, we can just talk for hours about nothing...yeah nothing as a real nothing...
One interesting thing here is both of us are thoughtful person... So, there were times when both of us talked about one single issue but related it with lots of scenario possibilities... We love to talk about details and details... We just couldn't strip off the "what if" question in our head. Always having the "what if" question is very tiring... I know that sometimes we wish to ignore this thing... But the fact is we just couldn't help it...
Though we share a quite similar peculiar character but I really love the way it works...each with its own beauty :)
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